One of our students was on a call with the president and CEO of a company that wanted to hire her when they asked her to build a prototype and do a demo for free.
She said, "Respectfully, we don't do free work."
They asked for more.
She said, "I'd love to work with you. The first step is a paid deep dive so that I can understand everything about this project in the context of your business and greater goals, and give you a clear and accurate plan of action to hit them."
But my favorite part is that she said she didn't even feel particularly brave.
She had a process, and the process made the answer obvious.
For a long time, I thought my own boundary problem was a me problem. If I just believed in myself more, I would stop doing free work!
Confidence helps. But boundaries are more than a mindset problem; they're a structural problem.
And when you have the right structure, the boundaries can almost hold themselves.
Before they're a client
When you have a clear first paid step, you don't have to even have a conversation about free spec work, or even a free proposal. The next step is just the next step. And when someone pushes back, you’re not defending yourself, you’re just describing your process.
“This is how I work. Here’s why it’s better for you. Here’s the link to get started.”
I remember when another student was asked to submit a proposal for a website redesign by a client who told her upfront they were shopping around for the cheapest option.
She didn’t try to save it. She told them that building a website without a proper deep dive was like building a house without the blueprints. She could absolutely help them, but this was the first step if she actually wanted to hit her goals.
And she walked away feeling great, not because she was brave, but because she knew she had just filtered out a bad-fit client and made space for the right one.
One of the other students in our community commented on her post: “The more time that passes since my last proposal, the crazier the whole concept seems. It really is just like building a house blind!”
Once the project starts
And that's just the selling side. Delivery works the same way.
When you don't communicate, and then maintain, clear boundaries with clients, that's when things go off the rails.
That's when you get those “urgent” emails. That's when clients go out of scope.
I know so many people who feel clients can be very difficult, but after coaching people through many difficult client experiences, I have found the culprit is usually a lack of clarity around boundaries and expectation management.
It starts with clarity on your part. Do you have complete clarity about how your projects are going to go? The clearer you are on the steps in this process, the clearer you can communicate those things to your clients, and the easier it will be for them to follow it.
Here's an example: Once they've paid and signed the contract, I give them a list of what I need, a deadline, and a consequence for missing it.
“Here are the ten things I need from you in order to do this project, and I need them by Monday the 23rd. If I don't get them by Monday the 23rd, we have to move the date of our project.”
I have not had a client fail to give me the materials I needed in years.
That's a boundary, and I never had to argue for it. It's how Intensives run: one deadline for the client, and a date that moves if they miss it.
Say it more than once
The second piece of having great boundaries with clients is that you need to communicate them over and over and over again.
You cannot over-communicate this stuff!
I know you think you just said it on a phone call, but people hear what they want to hear and, conveniently, remember what they want to remember.
If you follow up on conversations with clients by repeating it in an email, there's always a written trail. It's more likely that they will see it, and if they tell you they don't remember you saying it, you can point to the email where you followed up and reiterated it.
Overcommunication is always better than undercommunication.
Why it stops feeling confrontational
The confrontational feeling I used to have when I wanted to get paid for work upfront came from resentment. When you’re annoyed at the situation, it comes through.
But when you understand that the person asking for free work is asking simply because that’s what everyone does, and that holding your boundary is better for both of you, the whole dynamic changes.
Clients don’t just tolerate your boundaries when you have a clear process, they respect you more for having them. And they’re easier to hold because your process holds them for you.
What this means for you
Boundaries are a structure problem, and structure is fixable.
When you have a clear first step that you charge for, a clear process that you communicate from the beginning, and a clear understanding of what a good-fit client looks like, the boundaries practically hold themselves. You don’t have to perform confidence you don’t feel. You just follow your process!
Start here
Write down the last boundary a client crossed. Then ask where in your process they could have been told, in advance and with a date, what would happen. That's where the boundary goes. (The small "can we just" requests are in the scope creep article.)
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